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അയാൾ

March 30, 2020
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‘ അയാൾ ‘ എന്റെ ആദ്യത്തെ നോവലാണ്. ജീവിതത്തിലെ തീർത്തും ഏകാന്തമായ ദിനരാത്രങ്ങളെ അഭിമുഖീകരിച്ചുകൊണ്ടായിരുന്നു ഈ നോവൽ എഴുതിത്തീർത്തത്. വ്യക്തിജീവിതത്തിൽ ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങിയ ഒരു ദുരന്തത്തിന്റെ ഏറ്റവും തീക്ഷ്‌ണമായ നിമിഷങ്ങളിലാണ് എനിക്കും ലോകത്തിനോട് പറയാൻ ചിലതുണ്ടെന്ന് തോന്നിയത്. അപവാദങ്ങളുടെയും കുറ്റാരോപണങ്ങളുടെയും പെരുമഴയിൽ നനഞ്ഞ് നിൽക്കുമ്പോൾ പിടിച്ചുനിൽക്കാൻ എനിക്ക് കൂട്ട് വന്നതായിരുന്നു ഇതിലെ വാക്കുകളും അക്ഷരങ്ങളും. എണ്ണമറ്റ സുഹൃത്തുക്കളുടെയും സഖാക്കളുടെയും സ്നേഹത്തിനൊപ്പം ചരിക്കുമ്പോഴും ഞാൻ ഇടവിട്ട് ചിലത് കുറിച്ചു. ചില അധ്യായങ്ങൾ വീണ്ടും വീണ്ടും വായിച്ചു.എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തിനുനേരെയുള്ള മറ്റൊരു തിരിഞ്ഞുനോട്ടമായിരുന്നു അത്.

ഇരുപത്തിയഞ്ചുവർഷമായി നീണ്ട എന്റെ ഈ എളിയ ജീവിതത്തിൽ കമ്മ്യൂണിസ്റ്റുപാർട്ടിയും കമ്മ്യൂണിസമെന്ന ദർശനവും എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ എല്ലാ താളപ്പിഴകളോടുകൂടി സ്വാധീനിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ട്. സംഘടനയുടെ അകത്തളത്തിലായിരുന്നു എന്നും ഞാൻ. സമരങ്ങളും പ്രക്ഷോപങ്ങളും ജയിൽവാസവും എന്നും കൂടെയുണ്ടായിരുന്നു. മർദ്ദനങ്ങളും ആശുപത്രിവാസവും ഒരു സുഹൃത്തിനെപോലെ. ഇതൊക്കെയാണ് ഒരു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരനെന്ന നിലയിൽ എന്റെ ശരിയെന്ന് ഞാൻ വിശ്വസിച്ചു. സഖാക്കൾക്കിടയിൽ സ്‌നേഹത്തിലോ തർക്കത്തിലോ ആവട്ടെ ഞാനപ്പോഴും ശാന്തനായിരുന്നു. ഇനിയും അങ്ങിനെത്തന്നെ ജീവിക്കാനാണ് എനിക്കിഷ്ടം.

ഒരു നോവൽ രൂപപ്പെട്ടുവന്നപ്പോൾ അതിന് ഒരു മികച്ച നോവലിന്റെ ഘടനയോ ആഴമോ ഉണ്ടെന്ന് ഞാൻ കരുതുന്നില്ല. അങ്ങനെ കരുതാൻ എനിക്ക് ആത്മവിശ്വാസവുമില്ല. മറിച്ച്‌ ഈ നോവലിലെ ഓരോ വരിയും എന്നെ പൊള്ളിച്ചുകൊണ്ടാണ് കടന്നുവന്നത് എന്ന് പറയാൻ ഞാൻ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു. തലക്കുമുകളിൽ തീമഴ പെയ്ത അനുഭവങ്ങളിൽ നിന്നും പിടയ്ക്കുന്ന സത്യത്തിന്റെ ശേഷിപ്പ്. ഹൃദയത്തിൽ ഉണങ്ങിപ്പോയ കണ്ണീരിന്റെ പാടുകൾ. കരൾ പിളരുന്ന വേദനയുടെ കനലുകൾ ചിലപ്പോൾ എന്റെ വാക്കുകളെ കഠിനമാക്കിയിട്ടുണ്ടാകാം. ചിലരെയെങ്കിലും അത് വേദനിപ്പിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ടാകാം. സഖാക്കളെ, ഇങ്ങനെയൊക്കെ ആയിത്തത്തീരുന്നതിനു എന്നോട് പൊറുക്കുക.

അമാവാസിയുടെ തപ്തരാത്രിയിൽ ഹൃദയത്തിലെ തീച്ചൂടുകൊണ്ട് എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തെ ഊഷ്മളമാക്കിയ മുഴുവൻ പേർക്കും നന്ദി. ജീവൻ കൊണ്ട് കടംവീട്ടാൻ കാലവും പ്രസ്ഥാനവും എന്നെ അനുവദിക്കട്ടെ

Publishers: ഗയ പൂത്തകച്ചാല, നിശാഗന്ധി പബ്ലിക്കേഷൻസ്

831 thoughts on “അയാൾ”

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